I live in Kyiv, Ukraine and this day has been another ordinary one.
As you probably know, our country is facing issues connected with corruption in politics and the relationship between wealthy people and those who are standing close to limit of poverty. Well, actually I imagine one of my future jobs will be connected with diplomacy or national policy.
As I got lucky being born into an average wealthy family, the way I spent the 13th December is a bit lazy. But there is a difference between this day and previous ones: having my Olympiad done on Sunday, I was allowed to skip my school day and have a rest. But as I am very provident person concerning not only money, I got up as early as I could just to have more time to live through.
Maybe it was my mistake, as the following 3 hours which I hoped to spend in fun were filled with boredom. Luckily, having all of my channels turned over, I’ve found the one, which interested me enough to watch it, but it didn’t save me from the following amount of absurd and sometimes a bit stupid telecasts, talk-shows or films. Having watched TV for almost 3-4 hours, I got so bored, that I even made a poem about how stupid and useless TV seemed to me:
On the TV there’s too much
Of shows “can look but cannot touch”
Hate them, getting crazy now
But what I can? I don’t have crown.
What I need is to lay-back
But time that’s needed is in lack
Only just because of those
Stupid, without borders, shows
Don’t say you do not believe
Shall I take you as a thief?
Not money of, or of what’s mine
But something more – a thief of time
Oh, now you’re backing, as before
Who I talk to, I don’t know
Let me finish what I must
But you know, you’re still in trust
When I’m turning on TV
I see very ugly scene:
Dirt is here, dirt is there
What is this? Is this affair?
Affair, which we rely on
Which goes by mud alone?
Affair, which makes us trying
To go for dreams, which gone?
So is this evolution? Sure?
I can’t look at this no more
I need medicine, I need pills
I’m fed up. Let’s go to sleep
Despite my phrase about going to sleep, such point didn’t exist in my plans, although I was tired enough. Anyway, like most of my peers are doing in cases when they are bored, I decided to play some computer games and get my mind off the sad things coming to my mind. Unfortunately, the first 20 minutes of such action angered me a bit, because I had to face failures there, but whole next time was very fortunate towards me and I really enjoyed the way I relaxed myself.
Maybe of boredom, maybe of the mood, I was in during that day, suddenly thoughts about my past and future started to show up in my memory. Generally, I remembered all my failures and successes. But after that, bigger part of my memories was dedicated to my problems with girls, which I am facing since my early childhood.
The first story I’ve been able to remember, was about my ex-classmate. I remembered how her first answer to the question during our lesson of Ukrainian Language made me fall about laughing! I laughed a lot at her, because until I met her, I was a bit arrogant.
Then, my memory scrolled a little bit further, to the point when I began to feel an attractive force near her: I began to enjoy her laughter, began to like her different hairstyles, began to really follow her everywhere and add comments where I could during general discussion of anything. I loved her so much, that this feeling set the starter point regarding my poetry (if it can be called so).
Then, my memory showed me her last day of studying in my school. Till that day, I had written in general about 40 poems, and decided to devote all of them to her, having all of them printed and given to her as my final present from me. I put a folder of my poems into her school locker. I still don’t know what had happened at that time, but when I came back to look if she took them with her, I found all my poems lying next to me, on my desk.
Anyway, I wrote her a message on the Internet in which I promised to always support her and never let down while I still breathe. But later she got a boyfriend, my company seemed more and more useless for her, and those talks to her with trembling voice, while I knew she had a boyfriend fed me up, and just because I’ve been tired of all those emotions inside of me, I cut our friendly relationships, to let her go and let my heart to gather strength for further love.
I also had to scroll between 7th and nowadays, 10th, form. In 7th class I was in love with a girl who couldn’t appreciate any of the feelings which are addicting you about a person. She mocked me, cracked jokes upon me, but anyway now her attitude towards me changed, maybe because of the way I’ve started to talk to her, maybe of way she accepts me. Anyway, thoughts of these 2 girls, from the past and future, took the biggest part of my free time and based on thoughts about each of them, I created a poem in which it seems like I am describing one girl, but it is devoted to both of them, but the meaning depends on which one of them do you want to spot there:
I’m running out of blood,
Can’t recognize my days.
To hear you – not enough
To love you is my craze
You seem to be so friendly
But I can’t read your mind
And still support word “maybe”
Still share with what is mine
Have shared with you my secrets
Have told you how I feel,
You told me you will keep them
Just night before that dream
In which we laughed together
Where I confessed my love.
You listened with some pressure
And after, asked for vow:
“Oh please, erase the past of us
To me you’re just a friend
Don’t want it anymore to last
Just promise me, be glad”
I had woke up in a hurry
Just right before new day
In dream I vowed, no worries
I’ll let her go and I will pray
Years have passed since than
Word , been given, is still kept
But in my head had born a plan:
“I want you, without you I’ll drop dead”
On the 13th of December, while the sun was setting, my mum offered me to try my skills in cooking, at least to fry some meat for myself. Well, the only thing I can say about that is it wasn’t as hard and unpleasant as I imagined. For me it seemed even fun, maybe because it’s not my casual duty.
That was the last thing that I did during that Tuesday, and I’m still thinking: that day was one of the most filled-with-bright-moments days I’ve ever had this month.